


I'm Sorry

by MelissMySiss



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, daisuga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2262441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissMySiss/pseuds/MelissMySiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As Suga was staring at his phone, now he understood what that feeling was. It was love. Suga loved Daichi; he had come to the realization a few weeks ago."</p><p>What happens though when you tell someone that you love them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

The line that blinked inside the textbox flashed at Sugawara like an alarm. He sat staring at it watching it go from gray to white, wondering what he wanted to say. He knew what he wanted to say; he had wanted to say this for so long. But he didn’t know how to say it. This was not an easy thing to say, and society did not make it any easier.

  
It was late on a Friday night, Suga had just come home from an extensive practice, he was exhausted and even though he finished his homework more than two hours ago he was still sitting in his bed, wide awake. The clock on the bedside table flicked to 12:00 and Suga wondered if whom he wanted to send the message to was still awake. He figured that they probably would be, but Suga wasn’t sure if he wanted to be awake when he read the response.

  
Suga took in a large breath and read the previous text that he had received. “I know same! Gosh… Well see you at the game tomorrow Koushi!” Suga had replied to that text with a smile and see you then. But now as Suga sat on his bed he wanted to send so much more to the recipient.

  
Daichi. That is who Suga was texting, or had been. The last text he sent went out at about 10:05 and while Suga had been working on his homework he had the thoughts that he hated having. They made his head spin and his stomach tighten. He would be halfway through a calculus problem when that smiling face and kind personality would fill him.

  
Sugawara wanted so desperately to tell Daichi what he was feeling and that the captain himself was the reason behind those feelings. The feelings of warmth whenever Daichi brushed past him. The feeling of his skin catching fire when Daichi touched him. The feeling of excitement whenever Daichi called out words of encouragement to Suga on the court. The happiness that came from Daichi laughing with him. Or just the sweet feeling of casual conversation between the two of them.

  
This feeling was a feeling that Suga rarely felt. It was a feeling he had had since his second year at Karasuno. It started when Suga and Daichi were starting to spend more and more time together. They had become very close friends the year prior but when their second year came they became two peas in a pod. Every moment they spent together brought out this feeling that Suga had right now. And as the year went on and soon became their third year of high school the feeling was so intense that whenever Suga came close to Daichi he felt like he was going to explode.

  
As Suga was staring at his phone, now he understood what that feeling was. It was love. Suga loved Daichi; he had come to the realization a few weeks ago. It came to him, as he couldn’t help but smiling as he watched Daichi play. It came to him as he heard Yamaguchi asking him what was wrong. It came to him as he shook his head stating it was nothing, only to look back to Daichi and smile again.

  
But once Suga addressed this and it became clear to him that this is what that feeling was, everything became worse. Whenever Suga and Daichi talked he wanted to tell him that he loved him. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. That he wanted to kiss him. That he wanted to be the only thing that mattered to Daichi.

  
Even with all that just at the tip of his tongue Suga never could spit it out. And that is why Suga was staring at his phone. He thought that maybe typing it all out would be easier than talking to Daichi. Maybe he would be able to think of the words easier, maybe it would all just come together better. Maybe… But right now, anything he thought to say, anything he wanted to say, well it sounded dumb. And he was terrified to see what Daichi would say.

  
“Just say something!” Suga grumbled to himself tightening his grip on the phone. He sank his head into his other hand and roughly ran his hand through his hair.  
He took in another breath and closed his eyes, he let out the breath and mumbled to himself, “Ok, just say something to start the conversation.”

  
Fingers trembling Suga typed onto each letter forming the words, “Hey can I tell you something?” Swallowing became a task on it’s own, Suga felt like he was swallowing a brick whole. He swallowed and pressed send.

  
He watched the blue text fly into the message space and Suga felt like he couldn’t breath. The nerves were making his skin crawl. Trying to think of something else Suga clicked the home button of his phone and started going through his email.

  
Ten minuets passed, Suga was still tense with nerves. At this point he was thinking that if Daichi replied he would say “oh sorry that was for someone else” they would laugh and the whole thing would be over. But Suga had already made it this far what was the harm of continuing the story.

  
Ten more minuets passed and Suga debated just going to sleep. He would worry about this later. When his phone buzzed slightly and the message bar blinked across the top. Suga felt his heart skip a beat and he could now hear his pulse in his ears. It was hurting his head. Quickly Suga put a shaky finger on the message. It opened. The words “sure what’s up?” were surrounded by a gray bubble of text.

  
“Ok just do it,” Suga whispered to himself his voice shaking.

  
And so Suga began nervously typing.

  
“Hey Daichi… This is something that I have wanted to say to you for a long time and I just could never find the right words for it. I know that you are my best friend and that we have been through a lot together even though we have only really known each other for three years. I feel like I have known you my whole life.

  
“We laugh together we tell stupid jokes, we act like an old married couple sometimes. We eat together, we study together, and we even have almost all of our classes together. We play on the volleyball team together. I feel like I see you every waking minuet of my life…

  
“And I don’t know if it is because I see you all the time or just because we have become better friends through all of this time together, but I feel like that is why I need to tell you this. Daichi this is something that has been at the back of my mind for almost a year now and it wasn’t until a week ago that it really started to get worse. I am not sure if you have ever had this feeling before, but if you have then you know exactly what this feels like.

  
“It is this feeling like one person could complete your whole life. It is this feeling that if that person wasn’t in your life the world would come crashing to pieces. It is a feeling of excitement, nervousness and happiness all at once. It feels like my stomach wants to fly through my skin. It feels like my heart will never stop beating. It feels like my skin is always burning. It feels so uncomfortable but so wonderful all at the same time.

  
“Daichi before I say what I have to say… I want to tell you something first. This is something that is hard to say in the society that we live in. It is not something that you just come around and say to people, like talking about the weather. It is not like that at all. It seems like breaking bad news to someone, when really that isn’t it at all… “

  
Suga took a deep breath again and ran a hand quickly through his hair. He could still feel his heart pounding through his chest, he could still hear his pulse hammering through his ears. This was it, he was so close now. Just keep typing, echoed through his head.

  
“Daichi… I came to this realization about a year and a half ago. I noticed it when I would watch TV. When the “scandalous” scenes in movies would come on, I noticed that I wasn’t watching the girls… I mean if you can understand what I am trying to say here… Well I will just say it I guess. I… I’m gay.”

  
For some reason tears were forming in the back of Suga’s eyes. He couldn’t make them stop and he continued to type and the tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn’t know what these tears were or what the cause was but they wouldn’t stop.

  
“Now that I said that I want to say something else. I feel like this could cause you to hate me. And maybe it will. I honestly just want to say this because it bothers me more than anything in the world and I just have to say it, because if I don’t I feel like I am going to fall apart. I feel like it is breaking me inside by not saying it.

  
“Daichi, this is the reason why I am texting you at 12:40 in the morning, the day before a big match. This is why I love to spend time with you. This is why I love that we are friends. This is why I love going to school and to practice. This reason… this reason is you.”

  
Suga felt his heart stop momentarily as he typed out these words. But his fingers didn’t stop and the tears were still coming out of his eyes. So he kept typing.  
“Daichi I know this is probably not something you want to hear. Your guy friend saying that his world revolves around you. But it does. Daichi you make my heart beat faster. You make my palms sweat. Watching you play volleyball makes me smile. Standing next to you gives me goose bumps. Physical contact with you makes my skin burn. Laughing with you makes my stomach feel like I am free falling. Doing anything with you makes my day.

  
“Daichi I love the way you smile. I love listening to you when you take control. I love the way your eyes lock in when you are focused. I love the way your eyebrows furrow when you yell at Noya and Tanaka. I love the way you laugh when Asahi gets nervous. I love the way you stand when you motivate the team. I love the way you laugh at my jokes. I love the way you manage to keep me and everyone else in check… Daichi… I love you.

  
“Daichi I love you like I need air. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I love you so much I would spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so much I want to hold your hand and not care what the world thinks. I love you so much I want to kiss you and tell you I love you as we sit on the grass watching the sky together…

  
Suga felt his breath becoming shaky. His palms were sweating now. He hadn’t sent any of this yet. It all sat inside the text box that was slowly growing with each word he wrote. How was he going to get the courage to send all of this? Even with that thought in the back of his mind, he continued.

  
“I am sorry Daichi. I just want to say that. I am sorry that I told you this. I just felt like I had to. If you have ever had this feeling about someone then you know what it feels like to hold it down and not let it out. I just… I needed to let it out. But I know this is a lot and it isn’t any easier to read, as it is to say. I know this may make you hate me. I know this may make you never want to speak to me again. I know this may make everything that has ever happened between us go away. But Daichi if you really don’t feel this way. Just tell me. I don’t want to loose you because of this. But I don’t want to go through life not knowing that I missed out on something because I couldn’t say it.

  
“But maybe… Maybe if you for some reason feel the same way… Maybe we can make something work. Maybe we can have a beautiful life together. Maybe saying this was the right thing to do. And I hope more than anything that it is… But as I sit here typing this… I don’t feel like it is.

  
“That is all Daichi. I… I just wanted you to know. If you don’t feel the same way I understand if you don’t want to be my friend again. But if you do feel the same way I want to make this work. I am sorry I kept you awake before the game. I… Just really had to say this. I am sorry Daichi. Suga”

  
Then without a second of hesitation Suga punched his finger into the send. The giant blue bubble flew into the message space. And Suga threw his phone across the room. He flipped over on his bed and screamed into his pillow. The tears that had died down slightly came back with full force. He screamed and sobbed into his pillow.

  
“WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” He screamed punching his arms at his sides into the bed. His voice softened, “Why?...” He felt his temples pounding. His head throbbed and his eyes stung. Suga felt dread growing in the pit of his stomach. This was almost worse than the way he felt before he sent the message. He thought this would make that feeling go away. But instead it made it worse. Because in reality the nerves that came with waiting were the worst in the world.

  
Suga had no idea when or how he fell asleep that night, he just knew he had when he heard the buzzing of his alarm the next morning. It was eight, he had to be at the school to catch the bus in about an hour. Yawning Suga rolled over in his bed and slammed his alarm off. He reached for his phone and then felt a hammer swing into his gut. Instantly he sat up, he glanced down, he had never changed out of his school uniform after he got home from practice. The stench from the previous day crept into Suga’s nostrils.

  
A feeling like someone was actually performing surgery to remove his stomach was coursing through Suga as he stood. Like walking through ocean water he made it to the end of his bed. His phone was lying face down on the carpet. Shaky breaths were escaping Suga as he bent down to pick it up. He clicked the lock button as he flipped it over. There was a message.

  
Momentarily Suga went blind from nervousness, he blinked rapidly and stood up falling back onto his bed. He sat stick straight and unlocked his phone. It went directly to the messages. There were three. All from Daichi.

  
“Oh god,” Suga mumbled staring up to the ceiling, “Just read them.” Suga’s words came out shaky. As though he were about to cry. And he hadn’t even read what Daichi had said yet.

  
He scrolled up quickly so that he was at the start of Daichi’s first message, and then end of the novel of a message that Suga wrote. The time stamp sat under his message, 12:50. The time stamp of when Daichi sent his message hovered over his message 1:50. An entire hour before he replied. Suga didn’t know what to think of that. And so while carefully trailing his thumb along the screen Suga began to read.

  
“Suga… Wow… I. I really had no idea you felt this way. I don’t even know what to say right now. I have re-read that message two times now and every time it doesn’t get any easier to read. But you said that. I mean I am sure that was the hardest thing to write, but it isn’t any easier to read…

  
“I just want to start off by saying that I had no idea you were gay either. But I support you 110%! I am so happy that you told me Suga, I am so happy that you trust me that much. I know that really isn’t an easy thing to say. Which really is unfortunate. But I am happy for you Suga. But… about everything else…”

  
Suga didn’t want to keep scrolling he could feel his heart plummeting by the second. He felt like the rotation of the earth had slowed down just so he could experience this moment to the maximum. And he was not ready for that. But he continued anyway. And as soon as he did, he regretted everything.

  
“Suga… You have been my best friend for almost three years now. I have never ever had a friend in my life like you. I don’t know how I would function without a friend like you. You can make me laugh, you help me focus and you are always someone that I can rely on. But what you said about me…

  
“Suga it breaks my heart to know that you feel that way. It pains me to say that…”

  
Suga felt the tears already stinging at the back of his eyes. He sniffed hard as he read each of the words. Each one went through his mind like someone was punching him in the stomach. He could hear every syllable.

  
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way.”

  
In that moment everything broke. Suga felt someone reach inside of him and pull out every single one of his organs. He felt someone wrap their fist around his trachea and squeeze till it shattered. He felt like he was going to throw up. He felt like someone had turned off the air flow in his life. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t feel anything around him. All he felt was the pain burning and growing inside of him. And without thinking he chucked his phone at the wall.

  
As he watched it slide down to the floor, he slammed his hand to his mouth to stifle the cry that erupted from within him. He shook so hard and no tears came out. He was screaming and it seemed like only hot air came from his mouth. His legs lifted and fell in fits as he tried to cry. He gripped at the sheets to his bed and fell backwards. He stared at the ceiling and watched as tears flooded his vision.

  
He cried. Suga cried for some time. The sobs went from loud and wet to sniffly and dry. After a fit of fast breathing and hiccups of tears Suga took both his hands and forced them into his eyes. Forcefully he pulled them down his face and then stared up at the ceiling. Then he sat up.

  
Nothing. That is what Suga felt. Without feeling a thing Suga stood. He was going through the motions but didn’t know how they were happening. Somehow through some force of nature Suga managed to shower, get into his uniform, eat breakfast and make his way back to his room to grab his things. He glanced to the clock. It was now 8:30, he needed to leave in about 20 minuets.

  
Blankly he stared back to the wall at the end of his bed. His phone was still there. Sighing Suga walked to it and slid down the wall next to it. He rest his head against the wall and held in a breath a moment. He wanted to read what else Daichi had said, but in reality he didn’t want to feel the pain he had just experienced again.

  
But something inside of him told him to finish reading, so he unlocked the phone. The screen was still on the text. The words “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way,” seemed to be bolder than all of the other white text. Even with those painful words glaring at him Suga continued.

  
“I feel awful Suga. I wish that I could say that I feel the same way. All that stuff you said… It is so sweet and I just wish that I could be the person that completes you the way you want me to. But I’m straight. I have never, I could never think of you any other way than my friend. And right now it hurts me to say this because I know you Suga. I know that this will break your heart.

  
“But Suga, I want you to know that even after hearing all of this I don’t hate you. It makes me appreciate you more as a friend. Because I know how much I mean to you and I know how much you trust me. I don’t think I have ever had a friend like that before. And I don’t want you to think that I hate you, this doesn’t change anything Suga. I will be your best friend until I die. I don’t hate you Suga. I…

  
“I want to be your friend and even if I don’t love you the way you love me, I still want you to be a part of my life. Like I am sure you want me to be a part of yours. So I know this is going to hurt. And I know this will be hard to read. But Suga please know that I will always be your friend, no matter what. And I want you to know how truly sorry I am. Ok Suga?”

  
That marked the end of the first message. Suga didn’t have it in him anymore to cry. He felt something inside of him lighten slightly. At least Daichi wasn’t mad. He still wanted to be friends. He felt bad. Wasn’t that enough? Suga felt himself cough and a few tears leaked onto his cheeks. Blinking rapidly and whipping away a few tears with his free hand Suga continued to the next message.

  
“Suga are you there? I really am sorry. I don’t want you to be mad at me. I don’t want this to make things awkward. I know you don’t want that. Please text me back. I feel horrible. Suga!”

  
Suga felt like he was crying again but nothing was coming. He just sat there shaking silently as he scrolled down to the last message.

  
“I hope you are coming to the game tomorrow. I really understand if you won’t be there. Suga I want to fix things. I don’t want this to ruin anything. I really don’t. Please don’t be upset.”

  
The phone slipped out of Suga’s hand. It fell to the carpet with a soft thud. Suga didn’t know why but a smile finally spread across his lips. He didn’t feel like he really should be smiling or that he really wanted to, but it happened. He still felt like everything inside of him was shattered and gone, but as he sat there he realized something.

  
He knew now. That was all he really wanted anyway. Right? Slowly Suga stood. He just wanted to know if Daichi liked him back. And he doesn’t. That’s ok. He wasn’t after anything else. Sure it would have made this morning so much easier if Suga had read that Daichi liked him back he would have been out the door running to his house in a heartbeat. But that wasn’t the case. And as Suga made his way downstairs and out the door with his things, he realized that this was ok.

  
Normally on these mornings Suga and Daichi would text and pick a time to meet up to walk to the school. He didn’t feel like doing that today. So Suga left the house and walked off to Karasuno. The morning air helped to clear Suga’s head slightly. He felt slightly better as the small bit of breeze nipped at his cheeks.  
When he reached the school he saw almost all of the team there already. He could hear Hinata and Kageyama yelling at one another. He saw Tanaka and Noya trying to impress Shimizu. It was the team. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were not there yet. And neither were Asahi or Daichi. As Suga walked up though the team waved and called out to him.

  
Slight parenting instincts kicked in and he immediately went over to Hinata and Kageyama to see what was going on over there. Suga felt himself feeling better as he tried to calm the two of them down. The last 10 minuets or so were filled with the last of the members arriving and Ukai yelling last minuet pointers out to everyone. Suga was perfectly content chatting with Noya and Tanaka when he saw Daichi and Asahi walking up the hill.

  
Daichi was smiling and talking to Asahi. Suga felt a lump form in his throat. He couldn’t make it go away by looking at the team’s captain, so quickly he boarded the bus. Noya and Tanaka watched him do so in confusion. Hinata and Kageyama quickly followed suit. Noya ran over to Asahi shortly after and started yelling to him about something.

  
Hinata was gloating to Kageyama about how he got on the bus before him but stopped when he noticed that Suga was not sitting in his normal front window seat. He stopped walking and Kageyama ran into him. Kageyama was about to shout when he noticed the other setter’s choice of seat. Hinata could hear the others yelling outside and they were starting to get on the bus. Quickly Hinata moved to the back and sat next to Suga.

  
“Sugawara-san, why are you sitting back here? You normally sit in the front with Daichi…” Hinata asked slightly worried.

  
Suga turned from looking out the window, and flashed his warm smile, “Oh I felt like switching it up today.”

  
Hinata smiled back, he loved how brightly Suga smiled, “Oh ok, I will leave so Daichi can sit next to you.” What happened next shocked Hinata and Kageyama, who was watching. Suga quickly grabbed onto Hinata’s jacket as he tried to stand, the word wait hung in the air.

  
Suga looked overly concerned, Hinata stared back at him and sat back down,. Suga quickly let go of the jacket and then smiled, “Hinata… Kageyama do you mind sitting with me?”

  
Hinata glanced up to Kageyama who shrugged, “Sure Sugawara… Um is something wrong?”

  
“Oh,” Suga glanced up and watched as the rest of the team was finding their seats on the bus. Daichi was climbing inside now, he was talking and didn’t look as happy as he had earlier. Daichi glanced to the rear of the bus, the pair made eye contact, Suga looked back to Hinata, “It’s nothing.”

  
Hinata didn’t say anything else. He just sat and motioned for Kageyama to join him. Suga looked out the window. That is where his eyes remained for the bus ride. He didn’t talk much. Only to comment on some of the remarks Hinata and Kageyama were making to one another. But other than that Suga stayed watching the scenery change outside the window.

  
A short while later they arrived at the gymnasium they would be playing at. They all got off the bus and listened to Ukai give them a quick lecture. Then they were inside warming up. And the next thing Suga knew, was that they were halfway through the first set of their first match.

  
It was going well. They were ahead a few points now, but the opposite team was starting to gain on them. Suga shouted for his teammates and cheered when they scored. But somehow Suga could still feel that ache in his stomach from this morning. And throughout the match it wouldn’t go away. Even as he watched Daichi make excellent receives, something that would normally life his spirits so high, Suga couldn’t help but feel so low.

  
Finally after another grueling hour the match ended. Karasuno managed to win the first and third set of the game. They had a short break before the next match. So the team went outside of the gym area and out to a hallway. There they ate and stretched. Suga was standing off to the side drinking his water when a hand was set on his shoulder.

  
Nervously Suga turned, “Suga, can I talk to you?” Of course it was Daichi. Suga didn’t say anything he just nodded. Daichi lead the way. They walked off down the hall and out a set of double doors. They ended up on a grassy hill.

  
Daichi started first, “Suga I just want to know if you are ok. You never replied and you haven’t said anything all day. And I can tell that you aren’t acting yourself.”

Suga took in a breath and crossed his arms before letting it out, “I’m ok Daichi. I just… I feel stupid. Like I know that I wanted to know your response… But now…Now” Suga felt tears coming in the back of his eyes again. He wanted to cry. And right then he heard a voice say what the hell you already said you love him, it’s ok to cry.

  
So he did, he cried, “Now that I know… I wish I had never asked.” Suga was coughing out tears between words and he squeezed his arms tighter around himself. He tried to blink away the water in his eyes but it wouldn’t go away.

  
Then he felt hands set on the front of both of his shoulders, “Suga, please don’t feel stupid. It takes a lot to say something like that. I can’t imagine what that felt like to say. Or what it felt like to hold all of that inside of you. Please Suga I don’t like seeing my best friend like this.”

  
Suga looked up and blinked again, for some reason the tears subsided slightly, he could see and it was Daichi’s warm face. Suga couldn’t help himself he opened his arms and wrapped them around Daichi’s middle. He squeezed tightly.

  
“Thank you,” for some reason that seemed to be the only word that fit the situation. Suga couldn’t think of anything else to say. And really what else was there to say. Daichi may not like him the way he wanted but he still loved him as a friend. Because as Suga saw it, if the word best friend is involved there has to be a little more than friendship going on.

  
Daichi eventually wrapped his arms around Suga as well. They stood in the embrace a moment before Daichi mumbled, “So are we ok?”

  
“Ya.. I think we are,” Suga replied taking in a breath of Daichi’s uniform. Sure it didn’t smell like roses. But it smelled like Daichi.

  
“Well then,” Daichi stated with more confidence, and pulled Suga out of the embrace, “Let’s go we have a game to win.”

  
“Yes let’s win,” Suga smiled. The two disconnected and started towards the gym doors. As they got there though Suga grabbed Daichi’s arm and said, “Daichi, I really am sorry for all of this-“

  
Daichi silenced the gray haired boy before he could say anything else, “Suga I may not feel the same love as you but trust me when I say this, I love you more than any other friend I have had. Stop apologizing, or… Or we are breaking up.”

  
With those few words Suga felt everything that had been ripped out of him earlier get sewn back in. He felt lighter. He felt fuller and most of all, he didn’t feel sorry anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write this because... Well because I kind of had this happen to me. And ya well I felt like this was a good prompt. Like this is my otp of life for this series and I totally see them together but I felt like something like this could happen in cannon to them. But ya. Some kind of angsty daisuga for y'all.


End file.
